Questions To Consider BEFORE Transitioning

by Sarah: Now De-transitioned

I have deep transition regret and as I think back I wish someone had asked me any, or all, of the following questions.

In my situation, these are the thoughts I was struggling with at the age of 14:  “I want to be a boy”; “I feel like a boy;” “I’m a transman”; “My dysphoria got bad during puberty”; “I feel disgusted to be looked at as a woman”; “I like all the things the general boys like to do”

I feel that if somebody I told had really tried to help me understand the underlying reason behind why these thoughts were going through my mind and, where they were coming from, my life would be different and I may have reconsidered transitioning.

Somebody should’ve asked me;

“What is it about a man that makes you feel as though you were meant to be one?”

“Could the pain and/or occurrence of your menstrual cycle at all contribute to this feeling, disliking being a woman?”

“Could this feeling have anything to do with the way boys have looked at you since puberty? Maybe you feel as though that’s your only escape for not being looked at as a woman?”

“Do you feel as though you aren’t accepted in doing the things that you want to do/wear because they’re perceived as masculine, and has somebody in your life pushed you further than you were comfortable into femininity because of this?”

“Can you think of anything traumatic that you’ve been through (ei. sexual assault, abusive relationships) that have made you feel more uncomfortable with your body and perhaps pushed you into your decision?”

“Could your dysphoria, a discomfort with your own body, have anything to do with the set physical standards of a woman that things like social media push on as the norm that you feel you can’t reach?”

“Would you ever say it’s a possibility that it’s not that you necessarily want to be a man, but feel as though you are since you just happen to like everything the general man does, haven’t fit in with the general female or/and you don’t want to be looked at as a woman sexually? Could it be a combination of this and past trauma?”

Majority of the above questions can be looked at from the male to female perspective as well and the following can be looked at in the female to male.

“Could it be possible for you in any way that the idea of being a woman with another woman, or being looked at as a woman alone is attractive to you on a sexual level?”

“Have you felt you’ve ever been pressured into the masculine role or that you weren’t “man enough” to take it on? So much so that it could have pushed you further away from the idea of trying to take on that roll?”

“Do you think it’d be easier to escape the identity and stereotypical role of a man by becoming a woman?”

I feel like the things that are hard to talk about are the things a person in this situation has to target here, because they may be in self-denial or not even think of them until they’re brought up.

Not only that, there needs to be more information provided and transparency about the steps being offered to medically transition. It’s one thing to see a list of side-effects on a paper, which they may or may not even provide you, so be sure to request them and then go through them with somebody as this may have an entirly different impact on your decision.

Maybe it would’ve helped me if somebody said to me what I’ve said, “You can rush into this, but you can’t rush out.”

I understand binding isn’t comfortable, but once you have a mastectomy, there truly isn’t any coming back from that. If your mind ever changes down the line, and it can, the brain doesn’t finish developing until someone’s mid to late twenties, what will you do then?

Transitioning is funded, detransitioning is not.

Testosterone and hormone blockers may affect your ability to have children and may have many other different and permanent negative effects. Such as bone density loss, irreversible hair growth or loss, cardiovascular disease, etc.

Being a man or a woman isn’t about how you act, what you do or what you like, while some people may judge you or give you a hard time for being outside of the stereotypes, you can be a woman and be obsessed with videogames, wrestling, and think it’s gross when a man looks at you a little too long or makes you uncomfortable.

You can be a man and not have to be an absolute Chad, you can like pink and painting your nails, you can think fighting is stupid and be a little on the sensitive side.

People are going to make fun of you, people are people, so think about changing the ones around you first before you continue with the idea of changing yourself.

Something to highlight is that there is no therapy to help young people figure out why they feel the way they do, what are unresolved traumas that would lead a person to believe that transitioning would make them feel better. What messages are being perpetuated by social media and peer pressure that is influencing them?  Do they understand how the messaging is designed to cause confusion and lead them to believe that that only solution is to transition.

Question everything right now. Why don’t they want you to receive counseling before taking these drastic steps to permanently change your body. 

Are you aware that the doctors and pharmaceutical companies make a lot of money if you decide to take their drugs and move forward with the surgery. And trust me, when you change your mind and realize you made a mistake, they will not be there for you to undo the damage that was done. 

My desire is to help you answer critical questions before its too late.

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